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Risk of lending a money to a friend
#1
This topic just came up to me since my inbox is in full blast right now. I think this is the only role I have to my friends or this is the only reason why I have friends. It's sad that most of my friends have there debts or will only remember me whenever they need money. The saddest part is I have never experienced being paid. Sometimes I wish they just ask me to give them the money for free that way I didn't have to hope for the payments, right? Because it is my trust that is being ripped everytime they are doing that. Lending money to a friend means it has no interest since you are willing and considering it as a help. But what if they didn't pay you? This is actually the main reason why I chose other alternative loans than borrowing money to anyone I know personally since I will never know what might happen if I didn't pay it on time because its more than the money it is your relationship with that person that is at risk.
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#2
I know how you feel and I sympathize with you.

In the past I had a lot of money and two friends borrowed from me. The first friend never gave the money back on time. I sent her numerous messages on Skype, asking what the hell was going on, she was always replying "I need more time blah-blah-blah". Ok, I gave her 2 more months. But then I had an emergency expense and I just needed my cash back. So, I went to her work place and I started yelling at her in the presence of her colleagues. She was shocked! She paid the money back 24 hours later........

The second person took advantage of the fact that we were getting along so well and were becoming friends. She borrowed $100. Only after that I found out she had never intended to pay me back. She turned out to be a stealer, she even stole some untensils from the place she used to rent. LOL Untensils!!! Can you imagine?

I don't communicate with these people anymore.
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#3
If you're lending money to people, you should always consider it a gift. Never expect to be paid back, and never lend the money if you can't afford to not get it back. If they do pay you back you'll be pleasantly surprised, and if they don't, you won't be let down or hard up for cash.
Don't be afraid to say no when they ask. They can beg or whatever they want, but they can't force you to give them money. It just shows you that they aren't worth your time if they try to guilt you into it.

When I was in high school I paid for concert tickets for a group of us with the intention of them all paying it back (which they agreed to beforehand). Afterward they kept "forgetting" to pay me back, and couldn't understand why it was such a big deal because they only owed me ~$20 each. They couldn't seem to grasp the concept that multiple people owing me $20 worked out to a lot of money!!
Eventually with some nagging I got paid back by all but one, who flat out refused and just said "I'm not paying you back." That was a foreign concept to me at that age, I couldn't understand why someone would just refuse. If he'd said "I don't have the money, I'm sorry." that's one thing, but just "I'm not doing it."??

Funny enough I haven't talked to the guy since.
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#4
Honestly I don't see any risk if you borrow money from your friend that's if you pay the money you owed. In fact it is advantageous for a person to borrow money from a friend because of the fact that you are a friend, your friend will be most likely to trust you immediately and lend you money without asking any question. He will just look at it as a friend who helped his friend.
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#5
I definitely wouldn't be lending any of my friends money, I don't think this is a good idea. If I have the money I will just give it to them. If someone borrows money from you and doesn't pay it back, I think that's the end of that relationship. I'm not being sexist but I've seen the behaviour you're describing in many of my girlfriends, who I'm not friends with any more. I think they are used to free things and don't take the fact you have lend them money and they have the responsibility to pay it back seriously.
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#6
(01-16-2018, 03:07 AM)Sase3119 Wrote: If you're lending money to people, you should always consider it a gift. Never expect to be paid back, and never lend the money if you can't afford to not get it back. If they do pay you back you'll be pleasantly surprised, and if they don't, you won't be let down or hard up for cash.
Don't be afraid to say no when they ask. They can beg or whatever they want, but they can't force you to give them money. It just shows you that they aren't worth your time if they try to guilt you into it.

When I was in high school I paid for concert tickets for a group of us with the intention of them all paying it back (which they agreed to beforehand). Afterward they kept "forgetting" to pay me back, and couldn't understand why it was such a big deal because they only owed me ~$20 each. They couldn't seem to grasp the concept that multiple people owing me $20 worked out to a lot of money!!
Eventually with some nagging I got paid back by all but one, who flat out refused and just said "I'm not paying you back." That was a foreign concept to me at that age, I couldn't understand why someone would just refuse. If he'd said "I don't have the money, I'm sorry." that's one thing, but just "I'm not doing it."??

Funny enough I haven't talked to the guy since.

I have a similar experienced with that Smile I was in an Island that time which is famous in our country, I thought that I wanted to share the experience of being there with my friends but since I know that money will be an issue, I sent them 400$ so they can follow me to that Island. But guess what? They didn't come hahaha! It was okay since I was the one who gave the money anyway. Those are the same friends that been bugging me to lend them money til now. I don't even know how much money I have given them over the years because I wasn't interested for thepayment. Its fine that they never paid me back, but at least they should've told me why, you know? Out of respect and not that they will only remember me when they need money again. I was avoiding them for a month since I feel hurt that they are taking me for granted for years now. But I do admit that I truly feel guilty not giving them the money they were asking right now Smile

(01-16-2018, 08:01 AM)jaymish Wrote: I definitely wouldn't be lending any of my friends money, I don't think this is a good idea. If I have the money I will just give it to them. If someone borrows money from you and doesn't pay it back, I think that's the end of that relationship. I'm not being sexist but I've seen the behaviour you're describing in many of my girlfriends, who I'm not friends with any more. I think they are used to free things and don't take the fact you have lend them money and they have the responsibility to pay it back seriously.

What can I say? Your girlfriends must be lucky they had you. Haha! kidding. Yeah I feel you bro, I will always be willingly give money to my friends if they ask for it. They don't have to lie that they will pay you back when in fact they don't have any intention for doing so in the first place. But maybe those are the type of people that did not value the relationship, they just thought that things like that was okay since they are our friends.
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#7
If you set terms before lending the money and get it written then should not have a problem. If you give out your money all the time, then they may get used to that it causes a habit. Most people then assume it is not as urgent to pay you back or do not expect to pay you back at all. I have learned to keep my wealth to myself. I love to share. Also, I love buy nice things. Both are okay to do. But if people do not know how much you are getting paid or how much money you have, then they are less likely to ask.
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#8
(01-16-2018, 12:50 PM)Heart Wrote:
(01-16-2018, 03:07 AM)Sase3119 Wrote: If you're lending money to people, you should always consider it a gift. Never expect to be paid back, and never lend the money if you can't afford to not get it back. If they do pay you back you'll be pleasantly surprised, and if they don't, you won't be let down or hard up for cash.
Don't be afraid to say no when they ask. They can beg or whatever they want, but they can't force you to give them money. It just shows you that they aren't worth your time if they try to guilt you into it.

When I was in high school I paid for concert tickets for a group of us with the intention of them all paying it back (which they agreed to beforehand). Afterward they kept "forgetting" to pay me back, and couldn't understand why it was such a big deal because they only owed me ~$20 each. They couldn't seem to grasp the concept that multiple people owing me $20 worked out to a lot of money!!
Eventually with some nagging I got paid back by all but one, who flat out refused and just said "I'm not paying you back." That was a foreign concept to me at that age, I couldn't understand why someone would just refuse. If he'd said "I don't have the money, I'm sorry." that's one thing, but just "I'm not doing it."??

Funny enough I haven't talked to the guy since.

 I don't even know how much money I have given them over the years because I wasn't interested for thepayment. Its fine that they never paid me back, but at least they should've told me why, you know? Out of respect and not that they will only remember me when they need money again. I was avoiding them for a month since I feel hurt that they are taking me for granted for years now. But I do admit that I truly feel guilty not giving them the money they were asking right now Smile


Oh, dear! It seems to me that you're too good and naive, and that your so called "friends" are only using you. I know there's a saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed", but everything should have its limits. It looks like them abusing you for money has been going on for years. 

If they had good manners and enough respect for you, the least thing they could do was give you an explanation. It's wrong to feel guilty for not serving their needs for 10th thousand time in this life.

Why don't you try asking them for money yourself for a change and see if they would lend you?
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#9
I think it's your responsibility to remind them that they needed to pay so they won't abuse your kindness. It's never a sin if you kept reminding them about the money their owe it's your money anyway and they needed to give it back. I also have a friend that whenever someone asks for a favor to borrow money from him there were lots of time that they didn't pay him back. I asked him why you didn't remind them to pay, he said he was too shy to ask because there are friends. And learn also how to answer no to a friend. If your friends have a bad reputation for borrowing money learn to say no so they should be aware that you can't be fooled anymore.
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#10
For me it is very okay to barrow money to your friends as you've said it is your friend, its good to Barrow money to your friend or your friend barrow money to you.
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