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Risk of lending a money to a friend
#11
(01-17-2018, 04:41 AM)aecel Wrote: I think it's your responsibility to remind them that they needed to pay so they won't abuse your kindness. It's never a sin if you kept reminding them about the money their owe it's your money anyway and they needed to give it back. I also have a friend that whenever someone asks for a favor to borrow money from him there were lots of time that they didn't pay him back. I asked him why you didn't remind them to pay, he said he was too shy to ask because there are friends. And learn also how to answer no to a friend. If your friends have a bad reputation for borrowing money learn to say no so they should be aware that you can't be fooled anymore.

I don't know... Am I the only one who goes shy on asking your friends for payments? I don't want them to think that money is all I care. Of course I cared for our friendship more than the money. I don't know how to remind them about it without misinterpreting my intention. And added the fact that they are the only friends I have so it has been my dilemma for years.

(01-16-2018, 11:13 PM)chikatilo Wrote:
(01-16-2018, 12:50 PM)Heart Wrote:
(01-16-2018, 03:07 AM)Sase3119 Wrote: If you're lending money to people, you should always consider it a gift. Never expect to be paid back, and never lend the money if you can't afford to not get it back. If they do pay you back you'll be pleasantly surprised, and if they don't, you won't be let down or hard up for cash.
Don't be afraid to say no when they ask. They can beg or whatever they want, but they can't force you to give them money. It just shows you that they aren't worth your time if they try to guilt you into it.

When I was in high school I paid for concert tickets for a group of us with the intention of them all paying it back (which they agreed to beforehand). Afterward they kept "forgetting" to pay me back, and couldn't understand why it was such a big deal because they only owed me ~$20 each. They couldn't seem to grasp the concept that multiple people owing me $20 worked out to a lot of money!!
Eventually with some nagging I got paid back by all but one, who flat out refused and just said "I'm not paying you back." That was a foreign concept to me at that age, I couldn't understand why someone would just refuse. If he'd said "I don't have the money, I'm sorry." that's one thing, but just "I'm not doing it."??

Funny enough I haven't talked to the guy since.

 I don't even know how much money I have given them over the years because I wasn't interested for thepayment. Its fine that they never paid me back, but at least they should've told me why, you know? Out of respect and not that they will only remember me when they need money again. I was avoiding them for a month since I feel hurt that they are taking me for granted for years now. But I do admit that I truly feel guilty not giving them the money they were asking right now Smile


Oh, dear! It seems to me that you're too good and naive, and that your so called "friends" are only using you. I know there's a saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed", but everything should have its limits. It looks like them abusing you for money has been going on for years. 

If they had good manners and enough respect for you, the least thing they could do was give you an explanation. It's wrong to feel guilty for not serving their needs for 10th thousand time in this life.

Why don't you try asking them for money yourself for a change and see if they would lend you?

Am I?? It's my parents fault! Smile They always say that it's better to give than to received. Anyway, I think I already did that? Once when we were in high school, but it was too embarassing since no one even replied on my messages. Hahaha they just gave me excuses after days, now that I am thinking about it.. oh jeeez! I really am naive.
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#12
(01-17-2018, 12:22 PM)Heart Wrote:
(01-17-2018, 04:41 AM)aecel Wrote: I think it's your responsibility to remind them that they needed to pay so they won't abuse your kindness. It's never a sin if you kept reminding them about the money their owe it's your money anyway and they needed to give it back. I also have a friend that whenever someone asks for a favor to borrow money from him there were lots of time that they didn't pay him back. I asked him why you didn't remind them to pay, he said he was too shy to ask because there are friends. And learn also how to answer no to a friend. If your friends have a bad reputation for borrowing money learn to say no so they should be aware that you can't be fooled anymore.

I don't know... Am I the only one who goes shy on asking your friends for payments? I don't want them to think that money is all I care. Of course I cared for our friendship more than the money. I don't know how to remind them about it without misinterpreting my intention. And added the fact that they are the only friends I have so it has been my dilemma for years.

(01-16-2018, 11:13 PM)chikatilo Wrote:
(01-16-2018, 12:50 PM)Heart Wrote:
(01-16-2018, 03:07 AM)Sase3119 Wrote: If you're lending money to people, you should always consider it a gift. Never expect to be paid back, and never lend the money if you can't afford to not get it back. If they do pay you back you'll be pleasantly surprised, and if they don't, you won't be let down or hard up for cash.
Don't be afraid to say no when they ask. They can beg or whatever they want, but they can't force you to give them money. It just shows you that they aren't worth your time if they try to guilt you into it.

When I was in high school I paid for concert tickets for a group of us with the intention of them all paying it back (which they agreed to beforehand). Afterward they kept "forgetting" to pay me back, and couldn't understand why it was such a big deal because they only owed me ~$20 each. They couldn't seem to grasp the concept that multiple people owing me $20 worked out to a lot of money!!
Eventually with some nagging I got paid back by all but one, who flat out refused and just said "I'm not paying you back." That was a foreign concept to me at that age, I couldn't understand why someone would just refuse. If he'd said "I don't have the money, I'm sorry." that's one thing, but just "I'm not doing it."??

Funny enough I haven't talked to the guy since.

 I don't even know how much money I have given them over the years because I wasn't interested for thepayment. Its fine that they never paid me back, but at least they should've told me why, you know? Out of respect and not that they will only remember me when they need money again. I was avoiding them for a month since I feel hurt that they are taking me for granted for years now. But I do admit that I truly feel guilty not giving them the money they were asking right now Smile


Oh, dear! It seems to me that you're too good and naive, and that your so called "friends" are only using you. I know there's a saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed", but everything should have its limits. It looks like them abusing you for money has been going on for years. 

If they had good manners and enough respect for you, the least thing they could do was give you an explanation. It's wrong to feel guilty for not serving their needs for 10th thousand time in this life.

Why don't you try asking them for money yourself for a change and see if they would lend you?

Am I?? It's my parents fault! Smile They always say that it's better to give than to received. Anyway, I think I already did that? Once when we were in high school, but it was too embarassing since no one even replied on my messages. Hahaha they just gave me excuses after days, now that I am thinking about it.. oh jeeez! I really am naive.


I need some money. $200 would do it. Lend it to me and I'll be your friend from now on....... Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin
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#13
Lending a friend some money can be tricky from time to time because some of them really take a long time before they repay the money. It really frustrates someone because you cannot put the friend in much pressure since he/she will find a perfect excuse to postpone the day when the debt should be re payed. Sometimes loaning a friend can really damage a relationship because in the end it comes up to a hot argument mainly about the loan which makes the two parties distance from each other after the loan is re paid. I prefer not to mix friendship with business because it can ruin a good friendship.
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#14
I would always lend money to a family member, but a friend ? Only if they were in big trouble, and even then I would think about it and pretty much expect it to not be repaid if I did give the money. OTOH, I don't think I would ever ask for money from a friend, unless I was sure I could repay them.
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#15
Yes, I think you should never lend money unless you can afford to lose it, because too many people are not going to be able to pay you back. I would basically consider it to be a gift if I were to lend people money. One thing is that I used to buy things sometimes for my roommate because he was disabled and when he paid me back he was always short on the money or he didn't give me enough to begin with. I just stopped doing it for the most part.
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#16
(01-19-2018, 01:16 AM)chikatilo Wrote:
(01-17-2018, 12:22 PM)Heart Wrote:
(01-17-2018, 04:41 AM)aecel Wrote: I think it's your responsibility to remind them that they needed to pay so they won't abuse your kindness. It's never a sin if you kept reminding them about the money their owe it's your money anyway and they needed to give it back. I also have a friend that whenever someone asks for a favor to borrow money from him there were lots of time that they didn't pay him back. I asked him why you didn't remind them to pay, he said he was too shy to ask because there are friends. And learn also how to answer no to a friend. If your friends have a bad reputation for borrowing money learn to say no so they should be aware that you can't be fooled anymore.

I don't know... Am I the only one who goes shy on asking your friends for payments? I don't want them to think that money is all I care. Of course I cared for our friendship more than the money. I don't know how to remind them about it without misinterpreting my intention. And added the fact that they are the only friends I have so it has been my dilemma for years.

(01-16-2018, 11:13 PM)chikatilo Wrote:
(01-16-2018, 12:50 PM)Heart Wrote:
(01-16-2018, 03:07 AM)Sase3119 Wrote: If you're lending money to people, you should always consider it a gift. Never expect to be paid back, and never lend the money if you can't afford to not get it back. If they do pay you back you'll be pleasantly surprised, and if they don't, you won't be let down or hard up for cash.
Don't be afraid to say no when they ask. They can beg or whatever they want, but they can't force you to give them money. It just shows you that they aren't worth your time if they try to guilt you into it.

When I was in high school I paid for concert tickets for a group of us with the intention of them all paying it back (which they agreed to beforehand). Afterward they kept "forgetting" to pay me back, and couldn't understand why it was such a big deal because they only owed me ~$20 each. They couldn't seem to grasp the concept that multiple people owing me $20 worked out to a lot of money!!
Eventually with some nagging I got paid back by all but one, who flat out refused and just said "I'm not paying you back." That was a foreign concept to me at that age, I couldn't understand why someone would just refuse. If he'd said "I don't have the money, I'm sorry." that's one thing, but just "I'm not doing it."??

Funny enough I haven't talked to the guy since.

 I don't even know how much money I have given them over the years because I wasn't interested for thepayment. Its fine that they never paid me back, but at least they should've told me why, you know? Out of respect and not that they will only remember me when they need money again. I was avoiding them for a month since I feel hurt that they are taking me for granted for years now. But I do admit that I truly feel guilty not giving them the money they were asking right now Smile


Oh, dear! It seems to me that you're too good and naive, and that your so called "friends" are only using you. I know there's a saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed", but everything should have its limits. It looks like them abusing you for money has been going on for years. 

If they had good manners and enough respect for you, the least thing they could do was give you an explanation. It's wrong to feel guilty for not serving their needs for 10th thousand time in this life.

Why don't you try asking them for money yourself for a change and see if they would lend you?

Am I?? It's my parents fault! Smile They always say that it's better to give than to received. Anyway, I think I already did that? Once when we were in high school, but it was too embarassing since no one even replied on my messages. Hahaha they just gave me excuses after days, now that I am thinking about it.. oh jeeez! I really am naive.


I need some money. $200 would do it. Lend it to me and I'll be your friend from now on....... Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin

Me too I need some couple of dollars like 1,000 maybe I promise that I would be an honest and loyal friend to you forever and ever.  :Tongue hahaha.. Dear, it's ok to ask if they're really a true friend they don't mind if you remind them to pay back because they owe something from you. If you're too worried that they might get mad well it means that they're not your true friends they just using you because of the money. And you're saying that they are the only friends you have that's not so true just look around there are lots of people who deserve to be your friends don't be blinded and be fooled by them they're not worthy for your kindness. Open your eyes widely to see the truth.   Big Grin
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#17
(01-20-2018, 11:29 AM)aecel Wrote:
(01-19-2018, 01:16 AM)chikatilo Wrote:
(01-17-2018, 12:22 PM)Heart Wrote:
(01-17-2018, 04:41 AM)aecel Wrote: I think it's your responsibility to remind them that they needed to pay so they won't abuse your kindness. It's never a sin if you kept reminding them about the money their owe it's your money anyway and they needed to give it back. I also have a friend that whenever someone asks for a favor to borrow money from him there were lots of time that they didn't pay him back. I asked him why you didn't remind them to pay, he said he was too shy to ask because there are friends. And learn also how to answer no to a friend. If your friends have a bad reputation for borrowing money learn to say no so they should be aware that you can't be fooled anymore.

I don't know... Am I the only one who goes shy on asking your friends for payments? I don't want them to think that money is all I care. Of course I cared for our friendship more than the money. I don't know how to remind them about it without misinterpreting my intention. And added the fact that they are the only friends I have so it has been my dilemma for years.

(01-16-2018, 11:13 PM)chikatilo Wrote:
(01-16-2018, 12:50 PM)Heart Wrote:  I don't even know how much money I have given them over the years because I wasn't interested for thepayment. Its fine that they never paid me back, but at least they should've told me why, you know? Out of respect and not that they will only remember me when they need money again. I was avoiding them for a month since I feel hurt that they are taking me for granted for years now. But I do admit that I truly feel guilty not giving them the money they were asking right now Smile


Oh, dear! It seems to me that you're too good and naive, and that your so called "friends" are only using you. I know there's a saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed", but everything should have its limits. It looks like them abusing you for money has been going on for years. 

If they had good manners and enough respect for you, the least thing they could do was give you an explanation. It's wrong to feel guilty for not serving their needs for 10th thousand time in this life.

Why don't you try asking them for money yourself for a change and see if they would lend you?

Am I?? It's my parents fault! Smile They always say that it's better to give than to received. Anyway, I think I already did that? Once when we were in high school, but it was too embarassing since no one even replied on my messages. Hahaha they just gave me excuses after days, now that I am thinking about it.. oh jeeez! I really am naive.


I need some money. $200 would do it. Lend it to me and I'll be your friend from now on....... Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin

Me too I need some couple of dollars like 1,000 maybe I promise that I would be an honest and loyal friend to you forever and ever.  :Tongue hahaha.. Dear, it's ok to ask if they're really a true friend they don't mind if you remind them to pay back because they owe something from you. If you're too worried that they might get mad well it means that they're not your true friends they just using you because of the money. And you're saying that they are the only friends you have that's not so true just look around there are lots of people who deserve to be your friends don't be blinded and be fooled by them they're not worthy for your kindness. Open your eyes widely to see the truth.   Big Grin

Naaah. I am fine with myself and my money. Kidding! Smile Im sincerely thankful for all the advice guys. I guess I will stick with my mom, she's basically my bestfriend anyway hahaha. I just hope that no one will ever take a friend for granted just because of money. For what they did I seriously didn't know if I can trust anyone again. But soon I will. I'll just talk to them for the last time to clear things up. Smile ( Oh my god... I feel like I am going to have a break up with my cheating boyfriend hahaha) 

For those who needs money and will ask from a friend for help, please be honest and respect the friendship you have. Not because they are nice to lend you money doesn't mean you can take them for granted. Don't risk the relationship you have with them, If you can't pay for it on time, explain yourself and tell the truth.
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#18
Maybe I am different or probably it was the way I was built, but the truth is that I will only give to friends what I can forget and don't bother about them paying back. The issue is that lending to friends can cause rift in the future since it will be difficult for such friends to pay back, so what I always do is to give and don't expect payback in the future.
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#19
To be honest I am now owing $300 to one of my best friends. I borrowed the money in the beginning of last July, promising to repay it by the end of July 2017. My family was expecting to sell a piece of land in our city, but the finalization of the deal is taking forever! 6 months later we are still waiting.

I explained to him there has been a delay and that I WILL 100% pay him off, but it will just take some more time. He was really understanding and said to me "Don't worry, brother, take as much time as you need". His salary is $3000 (he works in America), so he doesn't urgently need the money. Anyways, my point is that people should communicate with each other, when they have a problem repaying off the borrowed amount. When there's communication, there's understanding and people can still remain friends.
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#20
I think it is very irresponsible and inappropriate for people whom you call friends to not pay what they borrowed from you. Aside from thr money that they borrowed, you also give your trust to them. It is more than just the money.
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